IMDb #237 Review: Jurassic Park (1993)

Source: Wikipedia

In the far-flung future of 1993, where DNA decay doesn’t exist and computers age worse than B-list child actors, one man has a vision.

• First, resemble a creepy, pudgy, possibly insane Steven Spielberg. Check.
• Next, clone dinosaurs using blood from mosquitoes fossilized in amber, also frog DNA for unexplained reasons. Somehow, check.
• Finally, invite the public to an island theme park swarming with huge, murderous, science-spawned monstrosities.
• Mission accomplished.

But wait, intermediate step. Bring in paleontologists, a lawyer, and a world-famous mathematician (those exist?) to inspect the site and deem it a terrible idea. Frigging awesome, but still terrible.

Anticipate painfully lame educational tours, obnoxious children, and irritating quirks from the “rock star” chaos theorist. Then things get really bad.

The disgruntled IT guy screws over everyone. Not just his cheap-ass boss–everyone. For the crimes of demanding a decent paycheck and being a fat, traitorous, legally blind slob, he meets an embarrassing demise. So do some other people.

Suspense happens as the less unsympathetic humans scramble for shelter.

But we know who the real stars are. They’re apparently warmblooded, deficient in the feathers department, and exemplary of the finest special effects the early nineties could afford. No joke here: it’s the dinosaurs. These beautiful bastards roar, chase, bite, and brutally dismember just as well today. (Note for posterity: dino action starts around the one-hour mark. Skip the human palaver, bring on the bloodshed.)

Best (?) of all, certain kitschy touches–juvenile gags, cheesy lines, and silly sound effects–reach out to a broader audience, so kids can enjoy the primal carnage too.

127 minutes.