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| Source: Wikipedia |
As usual with this era, we begin with a loose recapping of Luke 2, which once again erroneously depicts three wise men visiting the infant Messiah at the same time as the shepherds.
Nearly a half-hour in, we meet BEN-HUR, the hunky Judean prince, whose boyhood buddy has grown up into a Roman tribune and a butt-chinned asshole. Their ambiguously homoerotic scenery-chewing contests are glorious to behold.
Thanks to a loose roofing tile clocking a governor, Benny gets unjustly jailed, then enslaved to rowing for the Roman navy. For three years. Fortunately, his boss is a decent guy, especially when he's not breathing seawater. With a rich Roman's sponsorship, Benny becomes the Jewish Count of Monte Cristo, chasing revenge as well as his missing mother and sister.
Before you you ask, the CHARIOT RACE lives up to the hype. The scale is enormous, the stakes tremendous--money, fame, the lives of just about everybody involved. The sheik financing Benny musters a thousand talents, which sounds like the movie's casting call.
Though fueled by hate, Benny is a pretty decent guy. He frees slaves, saves lives, doesn't whip horses. He's rigidly religious. And the pathetic state of his mother and sister visibly sways his mighty manly countenance.
The production values must have been through the roof. Resplendent costumes, massive sets, swelling soundtrack, and an unthinkably huge cast of hand-waving flag-flapping extras.
Various Bible characters, including the Big One, make tastefully understated cameos. The revenge drama's religious bookends tie it up into a neat package, and ship it off for public consumption and eternal reverence from film nerds worldwide.
222 minutes.
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