IMDb #215 Review: Fanny and Alexander

Source: Wikipedia

In snow-clogged Sweden, a motley conglomeration of genetically related lunatics strive to become the most dysfunctional family in Europe.

The title refers to two young children, a girl and boy who seem to stay the same age through several time-skips. They hardly appear for the first hour, then for the other two they mope around and mouth off. Meanwhile, their relatives (who don’t have movies named after them) quarrel and philander and flatulate to amuse the aforementioned youngsters.

Despite ties with the local theater, the family lives in luxury. Then tragedy strikes, and our morose ragamuffins go from riches to rags, from a lavish mansion to an ascetic hellhole.

Did I mention the ghosts? There are ghosts. With no explanation, except a firm, unspoken “Deal with it.” Sure, an art-house masterpiece can explore the transforming influence of fantasy over reality through the dynamic metaphors of film and stage and childhood. That's cool and all.

But I can only process so much metafictional commentary before I wake up and realize I’m a dumb schmuck at a keyboard plonking out words about foreign films too blindingly brilliant for me to appreciate.

Reality bites. Fantasy enhances reality. Why else would we watch movies and junk.

The ending, though satisfying, felt long overdue. It marks the culmination of a long, strange, difficult journey, like finding a North Korean flag on Pluto.

It could be worse; the original cut was five hours. So if you enjoy odd rambling domestic epics in which good children suffer and learn unclear lessons, good for you.

Also, I’m not inviting you over for Christmas dinner.

188 minutes.

IMDb #220 Review: The King's Speech (2010)

Source: Wikipedia

As the British English royal family loses the power to command beheadings and Parliament gains the power to further impede legislation, newfangled radio technology connects tea-sipping British subjects worldwide. (Coincidence? Evidence says–yes, certainly.)

Even in the early twentieth century, the Windsors existed to make public appearances and live in staggering luxury. And sometimes to give speeches, to "speak for the people."

Bertie, Duke of York and son of King George V, stammers something terrible. He’s tried every speech therapist except the one on the movie poster. Finally, he gives in and tries a failed actor’s “unorthodox and controversial” methods. These include tongue twisters, shouting out of windows, swearing fits, listening to music, and discussing his miserable royal childhood.

Inhibited by his stiff upper lip, Bertie quits. Several times. Unfortunately, as you might have guessed by the title, his father has the audacity to shuffle off this mortal coil. A plethora of undesirable circumstances plop the crown in Bertie’s lap. Worse, World War II pokes its helmeted head around the corner to say “Guten tag.”

Then it’s back to elocution lessons/remedial psychotherapy.

Public speaking is feared more than death, according to specious claims lacking citations. No. Reluctant speakers fear flubbing, looking dumb in front of people. But Bertie stares failure full in the face to see who blinks first. At first it’s a toss-up, because anthropomorphic personifications of abstract concepts lack eyelids, but King Bertie gains ground, along with the whole British empire.

Which gives little excuse to us mere civilians with self-diagnosed social anxiety disorder.

118 minutes.