IMDb #198 Review: The Avengers (2012)

Source: Wikipedia

Disney's money-printing Marvel movie franchises collide to spawn a mega-franchise that threatens to engulf all of Hollywood in its event horizon. And they make us love it.

At a "secret" facility that studies artifacts of comic book science, eyepatch Samuel L. Jackson shouts orders and spouts technobabble. Splendiferous CGI summons the morally ambiguous sympathetic villain. Shit goes down. Loki now wields a world-bridging stick. He later unironically monologues to Germans (in English) about humanity's secret craving for enslavement.

Meanwhile, the stupidly-named organization SHIELD rounds up the superheros onto a physics-flouting aircraft carrier, presumably to prevent their massive superhero egos from igniting the ozone layer. The manly heroes fight each other for trailer-tastic motivations. While ordinary humans Black Widow and Hawkeye, who don't (yet?) have their own movies, struggle to remain relevant.

Joss Whedon's directorial thumbprint lingers: improbably witty conversations, angst, and women's feet (hi Pepper Potts, bye Pepper Potts). The villain indulges in antiquated vulgarity ("mewling quim"). And, in case you haven't heard, a side character's nerdiness becomes plot relevant as an excuse to capitalize on tragedy for strategic deception. (Say it with me now: USA! USA!)

But the final fight exceeds description. A cyborg lizard army drops from the sky. Thus commences forty minutes of punching and explosions. The destruction to NYC makes 9/11 look like spilled milk.

There's no social injustice to castigate, no political agenda to promulgate (except perhaps government-mandated superhero insurance). Just pretty people in silly suits smacking each other and cookie-cutter CGI baddies. It's glorious. And despite the gimmicky sheen, with the teasers and continuity nods and Stan Lee cameos, it works.

143 minutes.

IMDb #199 Review: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

Source: Wikipedia

The Marvel movie money machine transmogrifies a comic book nobody read into a quirky summer smash hit, just to prove they can.

Cashing in on nostalgia, the protagonist embodies the so-lame-it's-cool-again eighties appeal. The soundtrack gets in on the action, with licensed classic rock soundtracks on cassette tape.

When the geeky hero is just a boy, his mom dies of cancer, which makes him sad. So sad he runs outside and gets abducted by blue space hicks. Which gives you an idea of what kind of mood whiplash we're in for.

Overall, the movie thrives on fun. The klutzy badass hero desecrates a planet's sacred ruins with the glee of schoolboy Indiana Jones. Reality interrupts monologues. Urban action sequences end realistically: with all parties incarcerated. (To set up a swell opportunity to suspend reality and other natural laws for a fantastical prison break.)

And what a crew. A mouthy trigger-happy raccoon. A walking, talking tree. An overly literal tattooed dude. A green assassin girl. You might have seen the merchandise.

The anti-heroes are out for money, revenge, very human motivations. None of this "save the universe" tripe. Not at first.

These lovable freaks fight alongside a parade of rainbow-hued humanoids sporting a plethora of absurd head prosthetics, like a Star Trek convention. Meanwhile, second-rate race of space Nazis terrorizes the galaxy from the least aerodynamic spaceship ever, a sideways-moving corkscrew tube.

If the cast isn't enough, the plot is just bonkers. A barrage of technobabble, dazzling arrays of factions and hidden agendas, and a scientifically dubious MacGuffin. And so many fights. Fistfights, gunfights, dogfights, swordfights, word fights. It's glorious.

Shameless cash grab? Sure. Calculated cocktail of cliche and snark? You bet. Equal parts CGI tech demo and nostalgia bait? Triple yes to the nth power.

And it's worth every minute of your time.

122 minutes.